Miss You

Autor: lisasimpson
Haupt-Charaktere: Jack/Irina
Handlungsplott: Jacks Gedanken während des Chats mit Irina
Spoilerstand: 3.Staffel, bis zur 2.Folge
Status: fertig
Rating: PG-13
Last Update: 10.10.2003

Two little words. These two little words making that all wounds coming back. Her betrayal and her lies. Sometimes I wonder what if she told me 30 years ago. I loved her with my whole heart and I know she loved me too. Why she thought that won't be enough?

One of the first things she told me while working together was that she loved me. And I believed in this. I don´t know why. Maybe it was because our daughter was dead for only 3 weeks.

I worked the whole day these 3 weeks . I wasn't able to stop, because I knew if I would stop I could never begin to work again. I won't have any more energy and the whisky bottle would become my best friend.

I was so glad Irina answeared me. And 1 week later we met again. After what we shared in Panama it was strange. No one said a word. I just looked in her eyes. It was like an eternity. And then, I can´t believe I did this after what she did, I went to her and hugged her. It felt so good. It felt right and it was the first time for over 20 years we just hugged without any other thoughts. In this moment I didn´t thought of her betrayel. I thought of Sydney and that I was never a good father for her and then I started crying. It was liberating to cry with my wife.

We talked about our daughter for weeks. Irina was curious about her years as a teenager and I answered all her questions. It was a little bit scared how easy I told her all she wanted to know. Was it really that easy for her to win my trust back?

The weeks passed and no sign of Sydney's murderer. It was frustating and always death ends. 6 months after Sydney's death we went to the lake where Sydney was. Her tomb. We sat on a bench the whole day and listened to the water. It was a wonderful day with a beautiful wife on my side.

2 months later one of Irina's contacts wanted to meet her in Panama. Almost 1 year ago we made love in Panama and it was the same we shared 1 year later in Panama. Funny, isn't it?

The next 4 months were like a dream. It was a bit like the old days with Laura, but it was more. It was more, because there weren't any lies. It was just me and Irina. In this time I knew I loved her. Not Laura. I knew I loved Irina, but I was afraid to say it.

The 12th month after Sydney's death I was on a mission. I had to investigate on a man named Andrean Lazarey. I also had a video from his office. One day a woman came into his office. She was familiar to me, but in this moment I didn't know why. Then I saw it. It was Sydney. I wasn't able to believed what I was seeing. It was her, but then I thought it was a bad joke. Sydney killed the man without hesitation.

But she was alive. I sent an E-Mail to Irina, but she should never read it, because Robert Lindsay from NSC read it and 1 hour later I was in a really small room with him. I didn't like him from the beginning. I sat there and said nothing. He said something about betrayal this country... - I didn´t care in this moment.

After this really interesting discussion with Lindsay I found myself in a prison. No visitor, no favor. The first few months were like hell. I survived because of the thought of Irina. My beautiful wife. And the thought of Sydney kept me sane because I knew she was alive and I wanted to see her.

After, I think, 6 months I got the idea that Irina never loved me. I don´t know why I thought this. I thought she could help me to escape. I waited 2 months for her, but she didn´t come. In the moment I felt lost. Like I lost Laura.

1 year after my imprisonment I had a visitor. In this moment I knew it would be Sydney. I had this feeling it would be her. It was right. She stand there and was so beautiful, like her mother. I wondered why I never said it to her before and why in over 10 years I never told her I love her.

I realized Syndey is so much like her mother. She blackmailed Lindasy without hesitaion to get me free. And then we hugged. It is such a beautiful feeling to hug your daughter after maybe 10 years.

Now, I'm sitting her in my car and talking to Irina after 1 year of imprisonment. I was so glad she's alive. In this business you never know if you're alive 6 months later. After many years I'm hearing to my heart and I write: MISS YOU. TOO.